Finding the Marriage Rhythm

Walking in marriage without the one who created it is walking in chaos. Unlike what religion has dictated since its infancy about marriage--that a woman must live in the shadow of a man--marriage is actually a partnership. It is a dance in which both learn to lead and both learn to follow. The heartbeat of marriage is rhythm. Marital rhythm is found when emotional, spiritual, and financial rhythm find their places inside a marriage.  Marriage is compromise and a union between two parts. Marriage was created at the same time as humankind, for the essence of marriage is love.

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Kevin Wallace: Stand with me this morning. She's taller than me. I tell you I must have made an adjustment to make it equal. I want you to go to Genesis 1 and I want to say a couple of things. First of all, we're talking about marriage, have been talking about marriage and there's a reason why I feel like in my heart, God has been talking to me about the strength of a church, thank you, Christopher. Can we tell Chris thank you for all he does? Come on.

Kevin Wallace: This morning I didn't hardly know what think about him. He came in, in blue jeans. I think Chris sleeps in his suit. He looks good this morning. He works so hard and I want him to know how grateful I am for all he does and he serves in such amazing ways. We have so many wonderful people on our team. Can we thank God for our leadership team, all of our pastors and administrators, staff? You are the best. You're just the best.

Kevin Wallace: Deven and I couldn't have done it all these years without an amazing team and we couldn't do it today and we can't do it tomorrow. We're very grateful for all that our team does and your unsung heroes and to Deven and I, we're forever grateful. I want you to go to Genesis 1 and I want to continue, Chris, we need to buy Deven a new bible. It's falling apart.

Deven Wallace: I lost a page.

Kevin Wallace: I have 72 bibles. Give her one of mine please. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. I cannot believe you would come to the pulpit ... I'm kidding, it's a joke. Okay. Genesis 1 is where I want us to go. I really felt like God has been dealing with us about the marriage situation, even in the middle of 90 days of God's presence being poured out because you can't really claim that you're in revival if the only place you're having it is in the church.

Kevin Wallace: How many know that God wants you to have awakening and just his presence moving even when you're at home in your house when it's just you and your family? Ephesians 6 begins talking about children and it says that children should honor their mother and father in Ephesians 6. This is the first command that would promise, but if you read it in context, the whole speech about children lining up comes after the conversation Paul gives about husbands and wives lining up.

Kevin Wallace: You can't get mad at your kids for being dysfunctional if all we ever demonstrate is dysfunctionality. Now, I'm not trying to pry and get in everybody's business, but I am praying and I am believing God that in these 90 days, entire households are going to be reset, refocused and just catapulted in the greatness because I do not want to come to church and fall out, crash out and speak in tongues and you go home dealing with the same old demons and routines that you have been unable to conquer for years.

Kevin Wallace: God is getting ready to break in on the chaos and bring some peace into somebody's house. I believe it's not just going to be a thing of survival, but God is going to help us and show us and remind us that marriage is called to thrive, not just survive. How many believe we're getting ready to go to another level? Say amen.

Audience: Amen.

Kevin Wallace: I want to start today in Genesis 1. I don't know how long this will go. This may just be today. We'll just see what God is up to, but I do want to talk today about recapturing rhythm in marriage. How many know that God has a rhythm that you and your spouse are supposed to be operating in? Yes, some of you never heard this before. God has a rhythm intended for every marriage. It's called the rhythm of dominion. I'm going to say that again. God has a rhythm for every marriage. I believe the rhythm is dominion.

Kevin Wallace: You're supposed to be walking together in dominion. How many know that sometimes we don't find our self-walking together in dominion in marriage? I want to talk about why that is. Satan hates marriages walking together in dominion. If you don't think Satan hates marriages walking together in dominion, think about two and a half hours ago as you got ready for church, on your way to church, pulling up in the parking lot with them parking people smiling at you and you just got there screaming.

Kevin Wallace: Why, and I'm not talking about Deven and I because we didn't even drive together. We don't drive together for that reason. We just we're like we know how to conquer one demon on Sunday. We're not going to drive together. We got away for two or three days this past week just to reset and I drove and I remember about seven times I just looked at her and say you want to drive? I'll let you. I'll pull over on the side of this road and I promise you between that woman on that navigation system and you sitting up over here on my right trying to drive, I can't handle no more of this.

Kevin Wallace: No, this is not to hang me with. I got a sermon illustration in a minute, okay? All right. Okay. Genesis 1, let me get into this before any anointing I have lifts high off of me. Genesis 1 say recapturing the rhythm, so let's do this today. Let's make up our mind. We're not going to sit here and be tense. We're going to sit here and be miserable and we're not going to leave early because we're uncomfortable. Just sit here and take it and let the spirit of God bring you into a place of complete freedom in the mighty name if Jesus.

Kevin Wallace: What's that? This just standing, she's just still, just ... It's okay. Genesis 1:26. Yeah. I don't know either. You want to tell me what that is? Never mind, okay. Genesis 1:26, then God said let us make man in our own image. According to our likeness, let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the cattle, over all the earth and everything creeping that creeps on the earth. I mean God gave me dominion over the creeps.

Kevin Wallace: Verse 27, so God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him male and female. Let me go back up and make sure you understand something. In verse 26, when God said let us make man, he was talking about man and woman, okay? Because some people miss that and if you miss it you think Adam was the only one created in the image of God. Adam and Eve were both created in the image of God. Can I have an Amen?

Audience: Amen.

Kevin Wallace: He created man and woman in his own image, in the image of God he created him. Male and female, he created them, verse 28. Then, God blessed them. How many of you know that's good news? God blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply. Feel the earth and subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air and every living thing that moves on the earth. For God's word today, we say thank you Lord. Let's all pray and ask God to help us today.

Kevin Wallace: Father, thank you for your word, we pray in Jesus' name for wisdom to teach and to preach and to proclaim and declare and decree and explain. I pray a spirit of revelation would rest upon Deven and I and upon this congregation. Let our eyes be open to the truth of your word. I pray we would be beyond just mere insight, but that would be a spirit of revelation from the Holy Ghost so that we are all drawn closer to you through your word in Jesus' name and every said.

Audience: Amen.

Kevin Wallace: Amen. You can be seated in the presence of the Lord. One of my favorite scriptures in the bible is Amos 3:3. It gives very, very simple, clear, concise requirements for walking together in unity. It says how can two walk together unless they'd be in agreement? How many of you know you cannot walk together moving in a light direction? You cannot get to an intended destination unless you are willing to walk together toward that destination in the same direction walking in rhythm.

Kevin Wallace: There are reasons why some of us struggle getting place that God has intended for our marriages to go is because we're often walking in different ways and we're singing different songs and we're dancing the different beats in marriage. All the single people in the house, will you please make some noise? Okay. I recognize not everybody is married, but I believe most of those people who just wooed are intending to get married, and so you need this. Look everybody next to you, tell them you need this.

Audience: You need this.

Kevin Wallace: If you don't need it today, you might need it next year. Whenever you need it, I prophesy it will still be good and won't have expired. Because marriage, whether you're in it or about to get in it or you're thinking about it, marriage is something that I believe, watch this, was blessed by God, but challenged by the enemy. In order for us to understand why the warfare happens in marriage, you must understand marriage happened before the fall, but it's being lived out after the fall.

Kevin Wallace: We often have pre-fall ambitions for our marriages, but we're living in post-fall realities. How many know that sometimes the enemy would challenge everything God intended to do for us, through us in our marriages and it just seems like there are these irritants that at times want to challenge the progress that we make as a couple? Anybody know what I'm talking about in here? Now, Deven and I, we will choose to be very transparent today.

Kevin Wallace: We never stood up here and act like we got it all together and by no means are we teaching on this because we arrived and got a t-shirt, ate a bag of chips and that we graduated. But, I do want to tell you that we learned some stuff over the 19 years of marriage that we've had. The first thing I would tell you is if you ever want marriage advice, don't get it from newlyweds. I don't mean to disown the newlyweds in the house, but if you're going through hell in your marriage, you don't need somebody that's only married a couple of weeks.

Kevin Wallace: You need somebody that has been married decades that can be like, "You know what? We've been there and we've that and she wanted to leave and I did too, but I stayed in love and it was worth it." How many know what I'm talking about today? I want to talk today about finding rhythm in marriage. Where is Lebron at and Tim? Tim and Lebron, are you all still here? Are there some musicians? Come Tim, come, come and Lebron. Someone on the piano, can you get on your instrument please? We didn't practice this. They're going to be ill with me here.

Kevin Wallace: Okay. Here is what I want you to do. I want you both on the count of three ... He's going to get his guitar. Okay. You're still giving me instruction baby, I love it. Okay. On the count of three, I want you both to start playing your favorite song, whatever it is. Whatever song you dance to when nobody is looking. Lebron, I know what it is for you. Whatever song it is you sing when nobody, I don't care if it's ... Chris, I don't ... What if it's a love song.

Kevin Wallace: Lebron, you've been singing those songs getting ready for your wife and whatnot, both of you and on the count of three, I just want you both to start playing your favorite song. Don't talk, just play your song, don't talk, don't communicate, just play your favorite song on three. One, two, three. Stop. That's what marriage sounds like when you don't talk about marriage. It didn't even take a course. I didn't even have to ... Thank you Lebron, you can go sit back down. Come stand on here, both of you, you're both single.

Kevin Wallace: Come on, I'm trying to help you right now. Come on, hurry. I don't do this for everybody. I got to you to do this one. Come on. Come on, hurry, hurry, hurry. Lebron, you're turning white. Come on, get over here. Walk down off the front of the stage so they see you on your way down, come on. Let them just ... Okay. Just had to get in the light, had to get in the light. You're living in the light now, you're living in ... Never mind, okay.

Kevin Wallace: Marriage, marriage that is happening where there is no communication is not that there's not a rhythm in the house, it's just that you're both walking, dancing and living to two different rhythms. If you don't communicate, you oftentimes stay out of sync and I am going to testify and tell you this has been one of the greatest challenges of our life because I am not contrary to what you might think. I am not a great talker. Now, this is a true story. I am not a great talker.

Kevin Wallace: Most psychologist would tell you, men have about 20,000 words in their bank to use every day. Women have about 44,000 words. I use all of my words from 8:00 AM until 4:00 PM and then I come home, she still has a half of tank full of words to talk out. I'm done. I'm actually hoping she could read my mind. Many times she don't read my mind like I'm saying it and I have to continually challenge myself and she has to continually challenge herself.

Kevin Wallace: We have to continually challenge ourselves to communicate because if you're ever going to find the right rhythm you got to talk about what you're feeling. You got a microphone here baby so don't just talk in my ear. Talk to the microphone so they can all hold you accountable. I need you to be held accountable today.

Deven Wallace: Even today, I did hear him communicate last Sunday that I would be teaching with him today, which was better than the past two times I've been up here. But, even today I'm hearing the information as you are because we hadn't talked about it since last Sunday. I'm reading his mind.

Kevin Wallace: Okay. Like I was saying, how can two walk together unless they'd be in agreement? We have been on vacation this week, so we didn't have a chance to talk about the sermon, but the reason I feel so comfortable doing this is because she knows it anyway. She reads my mind. Okay. Back to this, Lebron and Tim.

Kevin Wallace: Lebron and Tim both would argue passionately that their favorite song was their favorite song, but marriage is not about you dancing to your favorite song and your spouse dancing to their favorite song. Marriage is about dancing to a new song and in order for you to get in a rhythm you got to be willing to walk in the spirit. Can you say amen?

Audience: Amen.

Kevin Wallace: I know that we don't like talking spiritual about marriage because we have unspiritualized marriage. We have in my opinion over emotionalized and we have made marriage and there is nothing wrong with adding psychological elements and making sure we understand the sociological implications of marriage. But listen, marriage was created by God thus it is spiritual. If you ever tried to tackle the issue of marriage without the one who created it, you wonder around in utter confusion. Can you say amen?

Audience: Amen.

Kevin Wallace: We don't want to walk in confusion. Galatians 5:25 in the New Living Translation says since we are living by the spirit let us follow the spirits leading in every part of our lives. How many know that even in marriage, we should be following the cues and the direction of the Holy Spirit? If you're not today, if you're trying to live marriage without God, I know why you are miserable. Marriage was never intended to work without God and Christ being the center of it and it doesn't work well if it's not that way.

Kevin Wallace: Let's go back and look at this very quickly. This is going to be a very quick synopsis. God creates man in his image, puts Adam to sleep, takes a rib out of Adam's side, how many know God took a rib from his side? Come on, God took a rib from his side. I say this in every wedding I conduct. God did not use a bone from Adam's head because man was never meant to be over woman and he didn't take a bone from Adam's foot because woman was never meant to be under man. God took a bone from Adam's side. Why can't I find some help in here?

Kevin Wallace: God took a bone from Adam's side because woman is supposed to be beside the man. If you live in an expression of marriage where you sir are in the light and she is in the shadow, you have adapted a religious mentality and no wonder why you and everybody in your house is miserable. She was never created to be in the shadow. She was created to be in the light walking beside you as you both chase the purpose God has created both of you for. God puts Adam to sleep, takes a rib from his side and makes a woman.

Kevin Wallace: Adam wakes up, sees a woman lying on the ground, no clothes on. He said that is good. That is good. The bible said that the two should leave their mother and father and cling, cleave, be bound together, right? God looked at that and said this is good. End of chapter two, open to chapter three verse number one. Now, the serpent was the most subtle beast in the garden. On the hills of God creating something very good, came a sneaky, slimy, subtle, deceptive slithering serpent.

Kevin Wallace: How many know that the serpent reminds us of the attack on marriage? You can't, you can't miss this, that God created something that was very good, watch this, and he gave it dominion. He gave man and woman together dominion. They were walking in a rhythm in the garden of subduing, overcoming the everything God had given them, they had dominion over it. God said be fruitful and multiply. The very next chapter the enemy comes in for an attack and he always comes in for an attack when the two are separated.

Kevin Wallace: Be careful how long you let the problems fester because the enemy never comes in when you're walking together. He will always come in when you're walking separated. Come on in here. David was married and was fine until he left the battlefield and went back to Jerusalem and walked out on his balcony in 2 Samuel and he's looking at over everything God gave him. While he's looking over everything God gave him, his wife is not beside him and he looks and sees another woman, namely Bathsheba having a bath on top of the roof with no clothes on.

Kevin Wallace: The bible said he wanted her and you know the story, he uses his kingly authority to set himself up for one of the most horrific darkest chapters in his entire life, but it did not happen until the enemy succeeded in separating him. You've got to be careful that you walk together. How can two walk together unless they be agree? Go ahead baby.

Deven Wallace: Well, I think it's really good to note and if you'll get me there, in Genesis 1 that when God created Adam ... And we know it says we read in our bibles, he took a rib out of his side and that's what the story tells us. It could have been anything, but a lot of theologians believe ... There's a sect of theologians that actually believe Adam was one, could even create as one and that God separated him so that it would take the union again to procreate. Does that make sense?

Kevin Wallace: Explain that.

Deven Wallace: He didn't want him to be able to reproduce alone, kind of like the body of Christ. We all make up that body. If you really read this passage, then the first birth wasn't a woman with a child, Adam gave birth to Eve. That's why she was called woman. She was bone of his bone, flesh of flesh.

Kevin Wallace: Good.

Deven Wallace: She was taken out of him. Meaning, when God made Adam, Eve was already in him and he pulled Eve out of him. They were already one. They started as one and God made the unity a choice instead of a mandate, but it wasn't until they unified again that they could ever recreate the image of God. Eve is pulled out of Adam and then the unity becomes a choice. If they walk in division, they don't reflect the image of God because no procreation can happen. Remember, God is life, God creates, but when they choose the unity of the image of God, children come.

Deven Wallace: The two becoming one flesh is Adam and Eve, but really it's the children because can you separate a child? No. When the two become one flesh, no man can separate what God has unified and the picture of a child is a physical picture of what happens in the spirit when man and woman choose the unity they were originally created in. Does that make sense? We got to choose it now. It's all about choice. It's all about will to go back to how we were created to be. Is that okay?

Kevin Wallace: That's very good. Remember, there's man and woman, woman is literally, the word comes from the idea of the wound man. That's what WOM is in the word woman, the wound man. What she said and I want to make sure I understand this because we've talked about this before, but Adam ... Many people believe this, that Eve was in him already in terms of in him, but God took it out of him as you said to make a choice, but watch this. Adam had initially the ability to reproduce, could have. Some people believe this.

Kevin Wallace: Could have and God said it wasn't good for him to do that by himself, you have to ... That's a powerful thought because in the trinity of God itself, the trinity of God, that's how we all got here. Don't miss this. The love and the unity between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, the overflow of that was God saying I want someone to bestow my love upon. There has to be an object on which I can bestow all of my love. We are here because God had so much love he couldn't keep it for himself. He had to pour it out on us, right?

Kevin Wallace: Marriage is an opportunity for us to come into covenant with someone so that we can give someone the love that God has given us. The only reason we were loved is because God had so much love that the overflow of it caused him to create in his image man. We are loved people who should love each other. Your spouse is an opportunity sir, I can say this from the man's perspective, your spouse is an opportunity for you to reveal ... You say pastor, you have bible for this? Absolutely. It's why Paul says in Ephesians 5, marriage is given so that we understand how Christ loves the church. This is all about love. Marriage is really all about love.

Deven Wallace: Unity is so important to the nature of God and for his body to show unity. Like Kevin said, the trinity, we believe in one God and three persons. You teach your kids, it's like an egg with three parts. It's all in one part, but they flow together in unity and that's what is reflected in marriage, but even bigger, it's reflected in the body of Christ. That's why every gift in the body is not just in our pastor. God intentionally divided up what this body needs among everyone in here so that we're forced to come together in unity to procreate in the spirit. You cannot produce the kingdom without forced unity, a choice of unity.

Kevin Wallace: That's good.

Deven Wallace: God will not let one person do it by themselves.

Kevin Wallace: That's good.

Deven Wallace: He will not, not in any way, not in marriage or not just in ministry. Us, winning this city is going to take all of us because God intentionally put things in you.

Kevin Wallace: That's good.

Deven Wallace: On me and things in me, you need to make us work together because that's what the trinity does.

Kevin Wallace: That's so good. We have this beautiful picture of marriage in Acts 2 ... Pardon me, I'm always in Acts, Genesis 2 and in Genesis 3, the serpent comes in, twist the truth, tempts Eve, they take the forbidden marriage, listen, marriage was created before the fall. Marriage was created before the fall. The two becoming one flesh happened before the fall, but now we have to wrestle it out, work it out and how many know that this is where our pride goes on? It goes on the stand and we find our greatest weaknesses revealed sometimes in marriage.

Kevin Wallace: How many agree with that? That that Satan will seek to exploit the weaknesses we both bring to the table, but you must understand, God did not bring you together just because of your weaknesses, also Satan tries to exploit them. God brought you together because of purpose and strength and instead of magnifying each other's strength, we often magnify each other's weaknesses. This plays into the hand of the enemy. This plays into the hand of the enemy. I wrote down somewhere in here, we'll get to it in a minute, but you got to be real careful what you speak to in your spouse.

Kevin Wallace: Ma'am, if you speak to the fool in him, the fool will stand up. But, if you speak to the king in him, the king will stand up. You all are not helping nobody in here right now. Sir, if you will speak to the queen in her, the queen will stand up. I'm going to leave it right there. I'll leave it right there. You want to say anything on that one? Okay. I didn't think so. One of the components of redemption, so watch this, when the fall happens you have marriage created before the fall, then you have the fall into sin and sin brings chaos and confusion into the marriage.

Kevin Wallace: Look at Adam and Eve after the marriage. Look at the family, the first family after marriage. I mean it's crazy. You got brothers killing each other. You got chaos and confusion in the room, in the house and you have to have self-born and a new beginning and if you don't think that the fall brings chaos and confusion into relationships, you haven't looked at the cross of Jesus lately.

Kevin Wallace: Because the cross of Jesus was not just a vertical beam that got you right with God, but the cross of Jesus had a horizontal beam that redeemed you back to one another because Satan understood if he could divide humanity and especially marriage, he could keep you out of sync and out of rhythm and you can't get to your purpose married people if you're not walking in rhythm together.

Kevin Wallace: Satan keeps you out of sync, we're going to talk about what all that means in a minute. I'm just trying to lay a foundation that if you get caught out of sync, you'll never ever pursue the purpose God put you on this planet for. You will spend your time fighting with someone you were supposed to be celebrating with. Great frustration, okay, let me back up. There are four domains, four ... If you're taking notes, write this down, four domains that come together at least or some of you would argue there's 10.

Kevin Wallace: Some says in here argue there're 29, but there are at least four domains that come together in a marriage that require synchronization to the rhythm of the spirit. If you don't hear anything else when you say today, please hear this. I cannot get frustrated with her if I'm only trying to lead her to dance to the rhythm of my favorite song. She cannot get frustrated with me if all she's ever trying to do is make me dance to the rhythm of her favorite song.

Kevin Wallace: This is why in marriage, both of you better find a cross and die on it quickly so that the spirit can raise up the kind of husband she needs and the kind of wife I need. Are you all following me? Is that blessing you? You called it, okay. I mean not her, but us, people. Okay. Four domains that require coming together in synchronization to the rhythm of the spirit. Number one is spiritual rhythm. The bibles says the book of Corinthians, do not be unequally yoked. How many ever heard that before?

Kevin Wallace: Do not be unequally yoked. How many ever been dating somebody and somebody in your church started prophesying over you and say thus saith the Lord, don't be unequally yoked, don't marry him. He's not for you. Don't be unequally yoked. He wasn't raised like you. He don't believe like you. I certainly believe you should not marry someone that isn't a Christian, but this scripture is much more than a forbidding of you marrying someone who is not a Christian.

Kevin Wallace: This scripture is not just I don't think God expects a godly woman to marry an ungodly man. I don't even think that deserves a lot of explanation. I don't think a godly man ought to be chasing ungodly women. I ain't getting no help on that. single people, be careful where you go searching for folk. You can't find them at the hootenanny and then get mad at God that they didn't turn out to be an apostle, prophet of angels, pastor or teacher.

Kevin Wallace: You got to be careful where you pursue your mate because where you find them might be where you end up with them. Okay? Be careful. Number one, the first domain that requires synchronization and coming together in the right rhythm is the spiritual rhythm. Say spiritual rhythm.

Audience: Spiritual rhythm

Kevin Wallace: Do not be unequally yoked. That doesn't just mean Christian shouldn't marry non-Christians. This scripture is about pace. Everyone say pace.

Audience: Pace.

Kevin Wallace: Because when the bible starts talking about yoke, what it means is when you come together with somebody, you are jumping in a yoke with them. A yoke is something that you come into together and decide to walk into a togetherness with someone and if you get into a yoke with somebody who isn't equally yoked ... I wish I had time. Yeah, it's so good. Just come with that right there because in every yoke there are two options and I'm not just being critical. This is actually what it's called agriculturally. There's a dumb ox and a lead ox.

Kevin Wallace: The dumb ox is only there for its strength. It's never there for its leadership or its input. What you get if you get unequally yoked and I'm talking to Christians, two Christians who are equally that are in a yoke together and there's frustration in your house because even though you both love Jesus, you're not walking at the same pace. If you both love Jesus, but are not living for God at the same pace, you can both be on your way to heaven, but feel like you're going through hell because there's nothing like being hungry for Jesus and your spouse love Jesus, but don't go to church.

Kevin Wallace: Now, let me fix that because you love Jesus you'll come to church, but some of us are in this room today are married, but we're frustrated because so many times ... Let me speak to the men in this room, it feels like we're having to ... Sisters are having to pull brothers into a spiritual experience. On the other hand, it feels like sometimes brothers are trying to get their wives to get off their back because she don't think he's spiritual if don't fast 40 days six times a year.

Kevin Wallace: It's all this, it's all this tension. Sister, chill out, brother, come on. That's what I want to say. Sisters chill out, don't turn your husband off the guard because you're controlling spirit, I'm not getting no help right here. You got to learn how to put him in the hands of the Lord. Brothers, you got to learn how to bring the heat. You all not helping nobody in here. If your wife is the only one with the prayer life early in the morning, there is something out of order in your house.

Kevin Wallace: I need some more men to clap right there. You all looking at me like you'd rather be watching a basketball game. You are called sir to be the spiritual leader of your house. Stop getting mad at your wife that she wants somebody who prays. You ought to be a leader in your home and God is raising up men in this house who will take their families into the great things, God has purpose for their family. Amen.

Deven Wallace: Let me say something to the singles in the room. I just felt prompted to say about the yoke and because I have seen so many times where young people will be dating that are not equally yoked. Especially, I'll speak to the ladies in the room and you think you're leading, but you're not. I mean it's no different than the mindset of the dumb ox. Yeah, they think they're leading, they really do think they're leading in their mindset, but they're not. But, let me explain something to you.

Deven Wallace: When you're dating, that person you're dating doesn't have any authority over your life. You're just dating, okay? In a dating dynamic, you may be leading spiritually, you may be the young lady or the young man that's going to church and they're coming to church because you are or they're praying because you are. You feel like you're leading, but the moment you get married, something called spiritual authority comes into play and that man is mantled to lead whether he wants to or not and the dynamic changes.

Deven Wallace: It's why we counsel couples all the time and, "We weren't like that when we dated. I thought I could save him," but you weren't married then. You are judging your marriage based on something where there was no authority over one another, but when you get married and this for the men in the room too, you carry a mantle to lead whether you want it or not. That mantle can be used for good over your wife and your child or children or it can be used for evil, but there is a mantle that falls over marriage that falls on the man and woman both roles.

Deven Wallace: The man is mantled to lead whether he chooses to or not. If you're single and you're leading now and you're the lady, you better second guess how far you go on that relationship because it will shift when you get married.

Kevin Wallace: Yes. That's good. Since this scripture about being unequally yoked is about pace, here is a good test for all the single sisters and brothers in the house. Take off running as fast as you can after Jesus. Turn around and look at the person you're daring. If they can't keep up with you, keep running and leave them and don't ever stop to try, you all not helping nobody right here. If you can run after Jesus and they can keep up, then that's probably the one you need to buy a ring for.

Kevin Wallace: How many in here ever had somebody come to you when you were dating someone? This is for the single people and they've come up to you and said God showed me I was going to marry you? I had that happen several times. She had it happen several times. There were some people who came up to me and talk ... Other people, not just me. I'm not a false prophet. They were false prophets, but you see what happen. Girl, you better know when God say ... If God says something, it is so.

Kevin Wallace: Anyway, be careful you don't get witchcrafted into a marriage. Let me take my glasses off and talk right here. Be careful you don't get witchcrafted into a marriage. I've seen people, their mama prophesy them of spouse in their life and mama just wanted somebody for herself so she could have some grandbabies, but that thing wasn't of God. Don't you marry anybody that you got red flags about, because if things are slithering in bathing, they will manifest completely in your marriage.

Kevin Wallace: I want you to know that just because you to know that just because you marry them, don't mean they're going to get serious and it don't mean things are going to evaporate that looked like problems. The problem is if you get married to people who you know have problems, the problems don't disappear. The problem is then you can't run from them. Look at somebody who is single, tell them why you can run? Put your Reeboks on and run for your life. Let me go off on it right here.

Kevin Wallace: If they can't pay them bills right now they're not going to be able to support you. You all better say something here. If he is 35 and plays video games nine hours a day and don't hold a job, just because he put your last name, his last name on yours, don't mean ... Yeah, I'm trying to help you right here. Because many times in the church, we spend our time trying to counsel what should have never had to be counseled. It should've never been created.

Kevin Wallace: But, because we got the lust of the flesh rather than the mind of the spirit, we want to get married to sanction our sex and we haven't considered that sex is just a couple of minutes, but marriage is for a lifetime and you shouldn't ... You all not going to help nobody. I'm being too real. I've seen ... Go ahead, save me.

Deven Wallace: I'm not going to save you. I just want to help those that you're not married yet. You still have choice and those that are married, maybe you are already married and this is like taking your breath away because you realize I am unequally yoked, but I'm already on the other side of that marriage bow. Kevin can speak to the men. I'll speak to the ladies. You are still married to someone that's mantled to lead and your weapon is the Holy Spirit. You can't change it.

Deven Wallace: You in yourself can't change it. Not any plan you have or words you say can change it. The mantle to lead is still on him. Your weapon is the Holy Spirit. He is the only one that can change your heart and I know we could march testimony after testimony up here today where it can happen so don't lose hope. If you're on the other side, don't sit here today and say I knew I should've never married him, I give up on my marriage now. No.

Kevin Wallace: No.

Deven Wallace: A woman can pray and the holy spirit can melt the heart of any man he can mold any heart and I'm sure it's vice versa, but just know it's not your battle. It's God's and you got to humble yourself before the Lord and pray and let the Holy Spirit change it.

Kevin Wallace: Yes, because the challenging place that we sit in is trying to address single people to keep them from making mistakes and then help those who feel like they're in a marriage that might be a mistake.

Deven Wallace: When that happens.

Kevin Wallace: There are people sitting here today who say I made a mistake and the only way out is divorce. The devil is a liar. Just because it ain't easy, don't mean that it ain't ... It wasn't God and it isn't God's will now. If you are married, I want you to hear me say this clearly, if you are married, I believe with all of my heart, it is the will of God to heal the wounds that you have experienced and to restore. There is a reason you got married to him or her.

Kevin Wallace: You might have lost that reason in all of the fighting and all the bickering and all of the pain and all of the frustration, you might have forgotten why it is you've got married, but God can help you recapture it. God can heal what the enemy has tried to destroy. It would take humility, it would take dying to self, it would take great, great, great humility. But, if you will come before God, God can restore and strengthen a marriage. I do not believe it is God's will for us just to stay married and miserable. God wants us to stay married and experience true joy, the joy that exist between Christ and his love for the church.

Deven Wallace: Let me give you some bible for it, the Lord just prompted me to say Jacob marry Leah by mistake, but it was Leah's wound that God birth the nations from. You cannot look at your marriage now and say it's a mistake. I can't explain it theologically, all I can tell you is Judah came out of Leah's womb.

Kevin Wallace: My God.

Deven Wallace: Okay. God used the womb of the woman that was not supposed to marry Jacob to birth nations so God can bring fruit out of the marriage that even today you say this is a mistake. If you surrender it to the hand of the Lord, he can bring supernatural fruit from it.

Kevin Wallace: That's good. Second, we got to move. We may do two today and two next week, I don't know. Let's just ... The second rhythm that requires synchronization, this might be the most challenging. Because how many would agree with me, men and women are wired differently? No, sir. It's okay to acknowledge that. She's not going to get mad at you if you acknowledge that. Some guys are here like this. How many know men and women are wired differently? This goes back to what I've talked about in the beginning. I am not very big on talking. I'm a thinker, right?

Kevin Wallace: Most of my life, I spent processing information and processing scripture and sometimes I have to remember my wife like her love language. How many ever studied the five languages? Ever heard of that? Okay. Five love languages, I'm not going to go through that today, but our friend Gary Chapman did an amazing piece several years ago called The Five Love Languages. One is quality time, one is words of affirmation, one is yeah, gifts, gifts. People who had gifts or like gifts, mine is gifts. I like getting things. Physical touch and acts of service.

Kevin Wallace: You got those five love languages and trying to find your spouse's love language is so important. Your children have love languages. There're a lot of things that we can use from the psychology world to help us understand our spouse, but the reason all that is given and the reason, the need for that rose is because there was such a misunderstanding in marriage, even in people in the church because here is what happens. Most time in church, we get married and we just say live with it and we know that God hates divorce, so that's not really an option, although it became an option for a lot of people.

Kevin Wallace: Divorce is really not an option, so we just say get over it and live with it. You got a lot of miserable people sitting in church because divorce wasn't really an option. It was frowned upon and we didn't really explain how to speak the language that your spouse speaks. We're very different. Deven's love language is words, talking and acts of service. I have one love language. She has like two or three, hers are in levels. Mine is all summed up in one, touch. Touch me, and let me touch you, right?

Kevin Wallace: That's my ... Come on, be real in here brothers. I don't know one brother in this room whose like mine is acts of service. No. Every brother I've ever counseled is like I touch, I'm trying to get her to let me touch her and let her touch me. That's it, right? 99% of men in this room are physically oriented and we got sisters who get really, really been out of shape with that and they wouldn't get men out of shape about him being touch oriented, if he could just get more in rhythm with the fact that she's not.

Kevin Wallace: I'm a microwave. She's a crackpot. It's true. I have to tell you all this. Put your hands down, let them see you, come on. I am a microwave. She's a crackpot. Anybody here know what I'm talking about? The sisters are in here like, "Yes, he's speaking our language." Only because she told me. I just know that for brothers, we just it's just and for sisters, they just want to know you care. You love them. I'll leave it there, emotional rhythm, emotional rhythm.

Kevin Wallace: There's a scripture here, it's in Romans 12:15, celebrate with those who celebrate. Weep with those who weep. Live happily together in a spirit of harmony and be mindful of another's worth as you are your own. There's something powerful in that about the emotional connectivity of man and a woman. Brothers, I feel like I spoke this as I was just preparing my heart. Sometimes we are aloof, I am. I have to confess to you. Sometimes I am aloof to her emotional place.

Kevin Wallace: When I'm aloof to the fact that she's not in a celebrating place, she's actually in a crying place or had a tough day place. If I don't make an adjustment to celebrate with her when she's celebrating, but also learn how to weep with her while she's weeping. Then, it just magnifies the unsynchronized rhythm that we're in. Brothers, we need discernment, like to gift the discernment sometimes, right? Like the Holy Ghost got to help me, Lord, what do I do with her? Have you ever been like that, right?

Kevin Wallace: I don't know what to say, I don't know how to help her and there are times she has to have discernment to come to me because I'm not having a celebrating day. There was something that happened in Deven and I when we went through a significant transition two years ago, we got closer because I needed her and she needed me. We recognized if we don't get tighter, this stress and this pressure that we're feeling in this great transition we're going through, I mean it was overwhelming at times.

Kevin Wallace: I probably cried more in those first several months of that transition than I've cried in my entire life. It wasn't like tears of sorrow, it was identity and it was pain and it was what is happening. It was discovering a new normal. She had to join me in that. I mean in one year, I had Achilles tendon completely rupture and had to be repaired, shoulder, I had rotated cuff, completely torn, labrum completely torn. I'm like I'm 38 years old falling apart and then my entire life in ministry took a significant change and it was a massive transition for this preacher, significant.

Kevin Wallace: I would have never been able to do it had she just come in on certain days and just do this, just do this. She had to be ... I wrote down here concerned, compassionate and Christ centered. In order for you to be the spouse, your spouse needs you to be, you have to be concerned emotionally, concerned. If your wife looks like she's having a bad day, try to acknowledge it. You don't have to fix it. Just don't ignore it.

Deven Wallace: I think we have to pray for just like in our walk with God, how many ask for grace on a daily basis. We say God give us grace to do what we can't do without grace and I think in marriage, when you're looking at emotional rhythm, you have to ask for love to do what you couldn't do on your own. Love to marriage is like grace to our walk with God and overcoming sin. The only way I know how to describe it is this. When we become one in unity, everything about us becomes one. His strengths become my strengths and then now my strengths are his.

Deven Wallace: Then also, weaknesses, I may never experience before, his weaknesses now affect me or my weaknesses now affect him. The only way I can describe it is the way I describe everything in life and that's being a parent. When I look at my children sitting up here, they have some of Kevin's DNA and some of mine. I can like see their eyes and that's Kevin's eyes or that's Deven's nose or that's Kevin's height. They are a perfect blend of unity and I love my children with all of my heart because they are going to carry strengths from Kevin and I and weaknesses from us.

Deven Wallace: As a parent, if you're a parent in this room, how many know sometimes you're children will pick up the things that your spouse does that you're tied to? Right? The habits, it's just in their DNA. They can't help it. But, we love our children so much, we don't let those things detour our love for them. It's very rare you ever find a parent that wants to divorce their child because of a weakness. We just love them so much. It drives us crazy, but we love them and never want to separate from them and we've got to pray for that type of love.

Deven Wallace: When a child is born to you, that nature comes as a gift. I didn't ask to have a motherly love, it invaded my life, but marriage is a choice, but we have to ask for that same love. That way, I love him so much that when Isaiah just like his dad, I need to have the same grace for Kevin as I do Isaiah. The same ... I don't know if that make any sense, but love covers a multitude of sin and we just have to ask for that love just like we ask for grace.

Kevin Wallace: So good, so good. Listen to this, Chris is one of the early church father said this scripture means enter into each other's circumstances in order to see how you would feel yourself, empathy. Emotionally, sometimes we get so distant from our spouse that we don't concern our self with what they're dealing with. We don't ask. Sometimes the greatest thing I can do for Deven is just let her know, baby I see you're dealing with something. I don't have to bring the answer to the table for her. I just want her to know she's not carrying it alone.

Kevin Wallace: How many know that would help if we just knew we weren't carrying it alone and somebody cared? Amen. Our last one and we'll do the next one maybe next week. We'll see where this goes. Number three, financial rhythm, financial rhythm. First wedding I ever performed. I'm in the middle of performing the first wedding I ever performed, I'm 22 years old, this brother is marrying this sister, Lebron, come help me. This brother is marring this sister and she is a piece of work, okay?

Kevin Wallace: This is a before I recognized that unless I know they went through marriage counseling, I'm not marrying people anymore. If you don't know that about me, I don't just marry people. You can call the office and A, will pastor marry us? Pastor is not marrying anybody that he doesn't know went through marriage counseling and a marriage counsel said yeah, these two people fit. Because when you marry somebody, when you stand before God and help somebody make vows that they're not even prepared to make, keep, keep.

Kevin Wallace: I'm marrying this person and she has nipped and tucked everything and it's just a weird situation. He's a very young man, she's a much older lady and we're in the middle of this wedding and I said for better or for worse and she said for better. This wasn't a rehearsal. This was in the wedding in front of God and all the family and then she said for rich or for poor ... And I said for rich for poor, she said for richer. Or poor, it's poor, poor ... No, there will be no poor, she said. Richer.

Kevin Wallace: Now, this is about financial rhythm because how many know that many marriages suffer because financially, we can't get on the same page. I didn't get help no help on that one. She said for richer, I said for poor, she said for richer. I said oh. Six weeks, six weeks, she left him and took everything he had. He called me and said ... And I'm 22 years old. He called me and said, "Can you believe this?" I said, "I never heard of such a thing." In all my life I never heard of such thing. He said, "How could she do this to me?"

Kevin Wallace: I said, "I don't know. I just feel really, really bad." I'll call his name Bill, although it wasn't Bill. I was something else. He said, "What should I do?" I said, "Never marry her again." That was innocent 22-year-old wisdom right there. Never marry her again. She took everything you had once she'll do it to you again. Here's the thing about it. Money is not worth fighting over, but it is such a serious, serious problem for many marriages to get in a financial rhythm.

Kevin Wallace: I wrote down several things you need to do. All of them begin with S. Write it down, don't miss it. Sow, save and spend and you have to communicate about each of these, sow, save and spend in that order. Sow, save and spend. What are you going to sow into, how much are going to save, what ... Not how much are you going to spend, what is your perspective on spending? How many know your paycheck will determine how much you really get to spend? But, you could be limited in your income, but not limited or cautious in your spending.

Kevin Wallace: If you are not cautious in your spending, you could spend every dime you make. There are actually people I know that make a decent wage and a decent salary, but they're killing themselves because they're spending is out of whack. The problem is you spend and you don't save or sow, oh God. Pastor, are you really going to get up in my business? Yes, because many people in this room have credit cards they cannot pay because they're simply trying to buy stuff to impress people that aren't even watching.

Kevin Wallace: Just recently and I'm being very transparent here. Deven and I decided we're going to get out of debt, completely out of debt, completely out of debt. Because God spoke to me and said until you treat debt like an enemy, you'll always be a slave to it. I know that's heavy, but I want us to begin to believe God for each other's families to live debt-free. You say pastor, we'll always have debt. If you believe that, then you live that way, but I want to believe that me and my family and my house can live completely debt-free.

Kevin Wallace: Owe no man anything. What about a house payment? Well, you got one now, but what if God supernaturally help you to pay off all your debt? I know that's a big, big thing, but we serve a big, big God. I'm just telling you, just recently we made a decision, we made a decision and I say, you know what, Deven, you all have to know me. I had two weaknesses in this world, cars and shoes. I love cars and I love shoes. I just by the way found this out through ancestry DNA. This is amazing.

Kevin Wallace: My great, great grandfather had shoe store in downtown Atlanta, true story. He came over on a boat from Germany, didn't know what to do, started a shoe store and now I know where all my shoe love comes from. My DNA, it's in my DNA. I just like shoes. The other thing I like is cars, but I told Deven, I said, "Dev, I'm going to let you drive the nice car we have. We're going to sell the one that we own out right. We're going to pay debt off and I'm going to buy one I can pay for cash with."

Kevin Wallace: She said, "What?" I said, "I'm going to get an old clunker." She said, "Whatever. You are not going to drive no old clunker. I know you." I said, "No, no. If I got to drive an old clunker to get out of debt, we're getting out of debt. Whenever we get in a different position, we'll move that way." You say pastor, you shouldn't tell all this. No, I want my church to know that sometimes you might have a Louis Vuitton appetite, but you got to live ... Come on in here, on a micro course budget. Well, something like that, I don't know. Pay less, pay less.

Kevin Wallace: You might have a red bottom shoe appetite, but you're going to live on a pay less budget. My point on it is this. Stop fighting overspending when you hadn't even committed to sow. You argue on over what shoes she bought and you all ain't even paid your tithes. I know I'm not going to get no help right here, except from the tithers. I wrote in here save. Do you know this? When I was 21 years old ... I'm telling you stuff, I'm just being transparent. When I was 21 years old, Deven and I started saving $252 a month.

Kevin Wallace: That's not a lot of money, but it grows overtime. It's retirement I mean, retirement, $252 a month. We saved that for 16 years every month. It's not a lot of money, but it grows overtime. Some of us need to make adjustments and start where you are. I don't care if you say $50 a month, save something. Don't spend it all. You say pastor, I live paycheck to paycheck. Listen, I'm going to begin and continue to agree with you in prayer. I know we take longer than normal today, but how many know our marriages need this?

Kevin Wallace: I'm going to begin to agree with you in prayer that God is going to help you and I, all of us live within a means so that we can sow, save and spend appropriately. So that when you get older and you are 80 years old, you don't have to have a job that kills you simply to make your ends meet. But, God can have worked through your systematic saving to provide the kind of future that allows you to enjoy the end of your life. Can I tell you something? I told somebody just this past week, they freaked out.

Kevin Wallace: I went to somebody and told them when I'm 80 years old I will not be pastor in this church. When I'm 70 years old I will not be pastor in this church. I will be involved in this church until the day I die. I hope I'm pastoring marriages one day and connected to this house for the rest of my life, but you all don't have to worry about me. You don't have to worry about prepping me up when I'm 79 years old and can't even remember my name. 90 years old, whatever, no, no, no.

Kevin Wallace: I'm going to have a plan and I want to be empowered not to be a burden on anybody. If you will train yourself ... Listen to this, if you will train yourself to save now, you'll be able to release something in the future and understand that God has the best for you even in seasons you're most worried about right now. There are people who are sweating retirement because you didn't prepare. It's okay. God is going to help you recover, but to those of us who have time to prepare now, I challenge you.

Kevin Wallace: Don't spend every dime you get. Is this okay? Is this okay? I'm telling you this because I love you. I ain't mad with nobody. You say pastor, I'm 20 years old. I don't need to worry about retirement. 70 is coming. Sow, start with paying your tithes. Start with paying your tithes. When I started in ministry 19 years ago, you know what my annual salary was? Ready for this? It's heavy. $21,000 a year. We lived on WIC, which is almost food stamps. Every single week, Deven and I said, "You know what? This is tithe. We're going to pay our tithes."

Kevin Wallace: I don't regret one time ever paying my tithes. Put God first. You can't live in a greater blessing until you live faithfully in the level you're living at right now. Stand with me. We're through today, we'll keep talking next week. Is this all right? I want us to do a couple things before we go. We're going to go in just a second. I want you to take your wife by the hand or your husband by the hand, married couples. Singles take Jesus by the hand. I brought this rope up here, Deven, I want you to get that microphone baby because I want us to pray together.

Kevin Wallace: I brought this rope up here, had Chris get it for me, this is a three-fold rope. It got three different strands that come together. I got it because Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a three-fold cord is not quickly or easily broken. The problem for some marriages in this place is that you've been a part of the rope and she's been a part of the rope, but if God ain't in the rope then it can be broken easily. It's when you and I invite God into the marriage and let him be the one that holds it all together that things begin to walk in blessing and to walk in increase in favor.

Kevin Wallace: I just really strongly feel a grace that God wants to get in somebody's rope. A married couple in here today needs God to get in their rope. Revivals come into houses and our church. Joy and peace are going to feel the halls of your home again. What the enemy has been succeeding and tearing apart is getting ready to come back together. This time when God brings us together, he's going to get in the middle of it all. What the enemy used to be able to break in half, he's not going to be able to separate it anymore.

Kevin Wallace: While you're holding your hand with your spouse and the single people are holding hands with Jesus. But, while the married people are holding hands with your spouse, can you lift your other hand up to God right now? Invite the Holy Spirit to be a part of this marriage covenant. I know many of you say I don't need this, we're doing well. Praise God, but you can always get closer to God. There can always be more of God in your marriage than there is right now.

Kevin Wallace: If you want God just to know it all, you need to chill out a little bit. Brother disconnected, you need to pick up the pace a little bit. It's time just to love God and love each other and God wants to synchronize some couples in this room today. You're dancing to your favorite song, but you're not dancing to the song of the spirit. God wants to put the rhythm back in your marriage. The last one I didn't get to talk about was sexual rhythm.

Kevin Wallace: Jesus, but if you ever get these three together, I'm telling you right now brothers and sisters, the sexual component of your marriage happens a whole lot more smoothly when you get your spiritual, emotional and financial rhythm back. Some of you wanted me to talk about sexual rhythm today, but you can't start there because sexual rhythm don't fix all your problems. But, when your problems get healed and you get more transparent, you talk more and you love more and you forgive, you accept.

Kevin Wallace: God will just begin to restore your heart. Those feelings begin to come. You can't force that. You got to be real and you can't start there. Lord, heal marriages today that need healing and strengthen marriages today that needs strengthening, but whatever you do don't let them keep walking. Don't let them keep walking out of sync, synchronize us today God. Lord, it's your cadence that we want to come in sync with, not our own rhythm, not our own song, but your spirit breathing and speaking and leading us.

Kevin Wallace: We just lay our hearts before you and our marriages on the altar. I'm asking you today God to synchronize marriages. Come on, lift your hands right now. God, synchronize marriages. This house is getting ready to experience great fruitfulness Lord, great fruitfulness Lord and it's going to come out of married couples. It's going to come out of houses and families, but the blessing can't flow as long as there's division and chaos. Sit on houses today God in Jesus' name. The Lord is healing some things right now. Some spirits of unforgiveness are being dealt with right now.

Kevin Wallace: Healing God, make them whole Lord. I hear the Lord saying that respect is free, but trust is earned and if you'll make the commitment, she'll trust you again sir. Just be faithful. Keep serving God. Keep loving her like Christ loves the church. Pastor, this is hard. Let that thing die. That part of you that always wants to argue, just let it die. Let the spirit of God live within you. Healing is coming today in Jesus' name. I want to tell you this before we go. We're working on two things for marriage resource department in our church, two things.

Kevin Wallace: First thing we're going to do, four times a year we're going to offer pre-marriage counseling for couples who think they're going to get married or approaching marriage. Church will pay for it. We're not going to offer all these things one-on-one. We're getting married so we're going to put every ... We got so many young couples talking about marriage now. It's becoming very expensive for the church to pay for 15 different couples' marriage counseling. It's very expensive, but it's worth it.

Kevin Wallace: What we're going to do rather than trying to find a bund of different counselors that we can find, we're going to provide four times a year several week course of pre-marital counseling with a compatibility test so that people can have access to pre-marital counseling and no tools that they can use when they get married. How many know it would be very important for young couples to find that even older couples, but especially young couples. That's the first thing. Second thing we're working on are coaching couples.

Kevin Wallace: Couples in our church who God has just really strengthened in grace in the art of marriage and in the rhythm of marriage that are not going to be full-time counselors, we're not going to wear them out. But, they're going to be able to help encourage and provide strength and advice for other couples in the church that are working through seasons and they just need someone to come alongside of them. We're going to be providing a marriage resource department that I think is going to help young couples, older couples.

Kevin Wallace: How many know that sometimes struggles in marriage, it doesn't consult your age to determine if you get affected by it? We all go through different seasons in life. Can you say amen? We're going to have some coaches coaching couples that had just come alongside, some couples that need to be encouraged and we'll be providing that. We're working on that right now, putting that resource together. I'm praying that both of those resources will help continue strengthening our marriages. How many know we need to have strong marriages if we're going to have a strong church?

Kevin Wallace: Amen. God bless your family. I love you. I don't want you to miss Wednesday night. It's going to be wonderful. Shake hands with 119 people, hug their neck, go out in the peace of the Lord and we're going to come out in the lobby and shake hands with you. We love you. Have a wonderful week. May the Lord bless you in Jesus' name.